polaroids of androids

Interview: Talons

It is no secret that we lust the music of Sydney punk trio Talons. Now, with their debut album completed and only a few months away from being released, our high school crush has evolved into a full blown sexually tense romance and/or dangerous stalking.

We recently got the privilege/opportunity to talk to Christian J Best, lead singer and guitarist of the group, about the album, the awesomeness of Slayer, band members becoming Nazis and the joy of stabbing Kyle Sanderlands with an ARIA award.

So, the album is finished now, right? How does it sound? If you were forced to describe it in four words what would they be?

It sounds a bit like: pointy yellish funtime speakertickle.

How was the overall recording process? Were there any inner band 'beefs'? If there was a three way cage match between the members of Talons who would win and why?

The whole process was amazing, 2 days in studio doing drums/ bass and many, many weekends at Anf's (Volcano Rat) tracking guitars, tambourines, choirs, clarinets, violins etc.

Plus Tim Carr (Mr. Amazing Producer) enlightened us with philosophy and such things. We made an album but also made friends. Aw that's nice hey?

A few beefs, but its all part of the fun! I'm surprised Ben still likes me (I think).

I don't think Melvin (Mitchell) does. Maybe he never did. Sometimes he looks at me like he wants to kiss me though.

We actually talked about the fighting thing while mixing... we think Melvin would win the fight cause he looks the fiercest. But then again I've never been in a fight so who knows. I think I should be allowed a weapon to compensate for the size disadvantage.

Is it true that Mitch (bassist) claimed when he was six that he wasn't going to cut his hair until he was in a band, which had successfully recorded an album and now that you guys have got the record 'in the can' he has shaved his head? Does he look like a Nazi now? I mean - IS he a Nazi now? How does his Nazi believes conflict with you Jew-like features?

That is 100% true. You have done some outstanding research Mr. Jonny.

He kept his ponytail, which I then glued to my armpits.

Yes he looks pretty Nazish, but also handsome. Think Berlin high fashion - catwalk shit, you know.

I'm not sure if he is a Nazi now, frankly I'm scared to ask for fear of raised tension levels. Wait he cant be! He owns a black cat.

Have you heard the terrible new Bloc Party song called Talons? Are you guys going to record a song called Bloc Party? If so, can you make subtle David Chappelle references?

We have heard it. Man it does stink hey? Like compost heaps.

It's some armpit music. Aural tinea. Sewer singing.

What are the plans for the next little while? Shows? Overseas domination? Summer holidays?

Hmmm plans... we really want to tour OS but damn it costs a lot for a plane ticket!

Hopefully get the record released overseas and get signed to Sony. And then forget these underground sites and our friends. But I mean really we'll probably just struggle for the next 10 years or so. The worst-case scenario is pretty nice really.

When can fans expect to have their dirty mits on the record?

Next Feb is looking likely - just gotta dupe a label into putting it out there.

Do you have a solution for the current global financial crisis? Do you think it's all a myth to distract people from the fact that Russia is currently taking over Georgia and/or THE WORLD? Can you speak Russian?

I'm expecting some 1930's shit to go down, soup kitchens, food stamps...

Lets start a traveling carnival! That's my solution. That and looting. Man I'd love to be involved in some good old looting.

How is your side project (Vital Organs) coming along? Are they're any plans to release anything under that name in the distant future? Is it true that if you buy your demo solo album with the Talons LP you get a FREE Slayer t-shirt signed by Ben (drummer)?

Vital Organs is coming along really nicely, I want to put out a whole album, none of this EP balderdash! Should be ready in the next 6 months I finks. Man I love Slayer! Polaroids needs more Slayer news! Kerry King gets new Tattoo etc...

When you recently recorded a cover of ODB's Shimmy Shimmy Yah, did you ever feel the ghost of the late great rapper inside of you? If so, did it hurt?

I did feel him inside me. And I swear I craved fried chicken right after finishing recording that song! It didn't hurt, more sort of gurgled.

What bands are currently blowing your mind and/or paying you to tell me they are good?

Well I tend to get really obsessed with bands for a few months at a time... right now it's Obits from New York they sound like Hot Snakes mixed with Credence. But there's sooooo much good music floating around Sydney town these days, you all know the bands, I fink.

How do you feel about a line I recently 'dropped' in a 'rap' 'song' - "I am the best, but my named is not Christian"? Do you feel uncomfortable being mentioned in a rap song? Do you think I am stalking you? If I was stalking you would you confront me about it or would you hide behind a court appointed AVO like all the others?

I feel very good about that line!

Hows this one? "I can take a beating but my names not Jonny!?" (Jonny's last names is Nail everyone).

I KNEW you were stalking me and I liked it. Why else would I get changed in front of an open window at the same time every day?

Is there any truth to the rumours that you have put your DJ career on hold (as one half of the semi world famous Siamese Ginzz collective) to focus more on your 'band'?

My DJ career is my 1st priority forever. We are hot in the scene. Not as hot as DJ AM, he's on fire. Whoa! He got burned. Then Burned. OK I'll stop.

How do you see the current state of music in Sydney? Are bands getting the necessary support to 'make it' or better still create original and interesting music, or is it still just a town for electro-rock, occasionally lucky breaks and a handful of people calling the shots?

The current state of music in Sydney is great I think! Everything is in it's right place. The bad bands who stink it up stick to their own. Its nice!

Although the good stuff is being ignored by the "business".

But we're all getting by with a little help from our friends.

But it's damn near impossible to 'make it' anyway. You kinda realize that a few months into making music... but yeah it does get annoying seeing the same shit getting churned out again and again.

But we'll always have Nirvana.

Ok, time for 'super controversial last question' - do you guys have any regrets so far in your musical direction or do you see all the ups and downs of your journey just part of being 'a band in Sydney'?

Nah, no regrets! Oh except maybe not sounding like The Presets. I'd love to win an ARIA! I'd glue it to my car as a hood ornament. And stab people with it. Starting with Kyle Sanderlands.

Being a band in Sydney is hard, but not being in a band in Sydney would suck way more.

Thanks for your time my lovelys.