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Some thoughts on the suckiness of Parklife 2010

By now you've probably seen the fairly unimpressive line-up for Parklife 2010 - aka Dinging In A Park 2010 aka Shire Cunts Chewing Their Faces Off 2010. Nah, just kidding. You Shire kids are fkking rad. Please don't riot me.

Anyways, some thoughts..

Missy Elliot named as one of the headline acts continues the super lame festival trend of the past few years of dragging out fairly mediocre, washed-up hip-hop stars (ie. Naughty By Nature, Salt N Pepa, T-Pain).

If you're gonna drag out some retired rappers - why not DMX? Lady Of Rage? Tha Dogg Pound? Warren G? Dr. Dre?

But, also, I'd be great if someone could bring out, say, a hip-hop artist that has done ANYTHING (significant) in the past twenty years.

And before you say it - YES, I completely understand there are plenty of legal/visa issues related with touring the current hip-hop heavyweights. Surely Obama's lust of Jay-Z would convince Kruddy Boy to drop any restrictions currently stopping Mr Beyonce from entering the womb of our country. What's the point of diplomatic relationships if they stop us from hearing a live-band rendition of Heart Of The City?

(slightly) Related thought/idea: how awesome would it be if Suge Knight did a spoken word tour? Like the hip-hop Rollins. I heard he once hung Vanilla Ice off a building by his ankles.

Don't think I could care any less for the solo work of Kele (Bloc Party frontman). Guaranteed abortion.

Mild excitement about Holy Ghost and Memory Tapes.

Fairly extreme excitement over that little p0rnstar/popstar/legend DARWIN DEEZ!!!!

Megan Washington? That's the singer-songwriter left-field "indie cred" pick..? Urgh.

That Wolfgang guy sounds alright, though. Like in a "trying to get laid by my wife by playing her some sweet pop jams in our apartment" kind of way.

Same deal with these Chiddy Bang guys. Nah, just kidding. Diet Coke rappers! And here I was thinking that Drake was a bit of a princess. These guys sound like Jurassic 5 rapping over the Hottest 100.

The Dandy Warhols. "Once Were Awesome". Clean up those eggs bitch.

The Wombats. Serious LOL. Actual LOL. Real life LOL. Total LOL-o-caust.

There's a large chunk of artists on that list I don't really know too much about - I'm assuming they're pretty much the current leaders of The Techno Revival. I'd love/appreciate it if someone could let me know if there's any goodness in there. I mean, we all love Groove Armada, right? And, of course, by that I mean that "your parents bought you a Groove Armada CD for Xmas thinking they were cool", right?

AND ... what's with the total lack of noisy bands? Where are The Ripping Dylans? Straight Arrows? Wavves?

Festivals suck.

Filed Under
Articles
Darwin Deez
Memory Tapes
Holy Ghost
Bloc Party
Missy Elliot
Parklife
Wolfgang
Washington
Chiddy Bang
The Dandy Warhols
The Wombats

 

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Comments

Lochy

Not in Europe they don't.....

http://www.primaverasound.com/ps.php?idioma=en

9 years ago

Lochy

I mean seriously......

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9 years ago

flukazoid

LOL-o-caust


And all were destroyed in its wake.

Festivals suck.


So start one that doesn't.

9 years ago

Jonny Yes Yes

you're right Lochy... overseas festivals make ours look a little 'half-cocked'

and.. well done.. biggest comment ever//

and .. Low performing "The Great Destroyer" would be pretty amazing...

9 years ago

flukazoid

oh man, wouldn't it ever.

9 years ago

(nobody)

nz festivals make australian festivals look like fucking glastonbury. apart from the shitty internationals at the big day out we have....nothing.

9 years ago

(nobody)

very sucky. Especially considering (a) they were talking it all up beforehand that it was going to be super-amazing-omggggg "being their 10th year and all"; and (b) I went last year and was very pleasantly surprised how enjoyable it was. Had a solid lineup for a festival of its size, and even the crowd was better than expected (which was probably a reflection of the lineup)

pass.

9 years ago

kidalias

I read this last week:

“This year’s going to be huge,” Fuzzy’s co-founder John Wall promises in the press release. “There are some really cool surprises for music lovers across the country. If you think you know Parklife, you’re going to love where we’re taking the line-up this year. It’s not what you expect.”

I expected to be surprised for once. The only surprise I got was that I was disappointed.

Groove Armada were here for BDO, and for Bacardi the year before that. Do they have some illegitimate children here or something?

Dandys would probably suit a lazy afternoon involving grass (ha).

Were Little Red & Cassette Kids busy?

All the triple j listeners who actually vote on super request will flock to see Yolanda Be Cool and leave as soon as that song is over.

Only a couple of artists I have a bit of interest in. Holy Ghost! are playing 'live' as opposed to a dj set. I've been more keen on previous lineups and still didn't go, don't own enough fluro.

9 years ago

(nobody)

jonny, i don't know you, but i think i love you

9 years ago

brownie

Kanye toured in '08, Jonny.

9 years ago

brownie

> Were Little Red & Cassette Kids busy?

Tourin, tourin.

9 years ago

(nobody)

"Surely Obama's lust of Jay-Z would convince Kruddy Boy..."

Kruddy Boy?

Dude, the young liberals need you over at the comments section of news.com.au post haste!

9 years ago

Lochy

Elmer Krudd!

9 years ago

(nobody)

what about delorean, you shitbird.

9 years ago

(nobody)

Missy Elliott hasnt done anything significant in 20 years?

What are you smoking fool? Timbaland made his name producing tracks for her.

9 years ago

Jonny Yes Yes

@kidalias - agreed that - a) holy ghost LIVE could/should be interesting/awesome .. and .. cassette kids can just get fucked..

@p.b - a/s/l ..?

@DeEs - i'm already a member of the "junior socialist alliance" so that probably won't work. plus, i grew up on the wrong side of the harbour bridge

@Lochy - MC Larry Emder

@brownie - was then when he was here with Bono And The Gang?

@anonymous - thx for answering my call for if .. "someone could let me know if there's any goodness in there"...

@loz - twenty years was a bit of jokey exageration .. pretty sure they dragged/paid her out of retirement for these shows.. her flash-in-the-pan one trick pony days are well and truly over... totally irrelevant hip-hop 'all star'.... same for timbaland. sorry. it's a fact.

9 years ago

tttt

the hell are you talking about re: missy elliott? she's consistently released awesome singles throughout her whole career. she's not really a 'one trick pony'. not sure where you got the idea that she's retired from either. she's been working on her latest album for a while now.

9 years ago

(nobody)

missy elliot is shite. Certainly no headliner. Didn't she come out here a few years back, charge over $100, and play about 5 songs? Sounds like a one trick pony to me.

9 years ago

(nobody)

sorry, 4 songs. http://twitter.com/stuartc/statuses/15736232206

9 years ago

brownie

@jonny nup, that was when he had his own tour with kid cudi/nas. aka mind breakdown tour '08 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfEdzvP4F9E

9 years ago

Jonny Yes Yes

@brownie that's right.. i remember i was gonna go... hoping that nas would just do illmatic start to finish.. then realised he probably wouldn't

9 years ago

Jonny Yes Yes

@tttt : one trick = that one part of that one song where she talks backwards for a bit (thx pikey m)

9 years ago

(nobody)

If you had of said Missy hasn't done anything significant for the last 5-6 years you would have been correct.

9 years ago

(nobody)

the glitch mob - drive like you stole it


that's all, friggin crap lineup

9 years ago

Rav

We've forgotten the main argument that it isn't just Missy Elliott is shit, it's the fact that park life have dragged out yet another has-been instead of actually getting a real legend to headline the event. My votes for next year are either Tone Loc, or Meatloaf. The more likely option will be MC Hammer.

P.S. MIssy Elliott really i shit, and we should all hate her for giving Timbaland's career a jump start that would eventually result in One Republic and the eternal damnation that was Chris Cornell's last solo record *shudder*

9 years ago

(nobody)

Yeah but what about all the good shit that Timbaland has done?

Plenty of artists release rubbish later on in their careers and fuck it, just listen to whats good.

9 years ago

(nobody)

mediocrity sells. "festivals" like this are more like whacked-out-sheep-in-a-day-club-on-grass.

festivals rock when they are put on for something other than money. a belief they are changing the world. music to die for.

where are they johnny?

9 years ago

(nobody)

Those festivals dont exist. You think festivals can change the world? oh dear.

9 years ago

Rav

Greatest festival of all time = Chef Aid.

9 years ago

(nobody)

Lady of Rage as headliner of Parklife? Put the crack pipe down.

This coming from somebody who still thinks posting on twitter is 'cool' and that people care about the contents of his wallet

Put on your own festival and we'll see how long it lasts

9 years ago

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