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May 13, 2008

Gig Review: Elton John @ Sydney Entertainment Centre - 12/05/2008

In a recent survey, 4% of visitors answered ELTON JOHN YEAH! to the question 'do you like the new Presets album?'

In an effort to please all of our audience (one gooch tickle at a time) here is a TWELVE point review of Sir Elton's show last night at the Entertainment Centre of Sydney:

1. He has really small, chubby fingers. Like little midget hands.

2. In between every song he got up and pointed to random people in the crowd and thanked them. It was as though every song was his last song - ever.

3. Tiny Dancer sounded incredible.

4. For a gay guy he sure gets a lot of love from the ladies. Desperate houswives all over the shop were screaming, going phucking nuts and pretty much begging him to turn straight.

5. About two-thirds of the way through his set, when a more upbeat number came on, people in the 'moderately expensive' seats ran up to the stage and blocked the view of those in the 'super expensive' seats. It reminded me of that time at the Big Day Out when Fred Durst killed that girl. Fortunately, nobody died on this occasion. There also wasn't a single mention of a 'T' barrier.

6. He was presented an award from the bald Chugg guy and the Lord Supreme Master of Sydney Entertainment Centre for selling out 41 shows at the venue. Pantera x Metallica x Slayer x Anthony Callea = Elton John.

7. Thankfully, he didn't play that Lion King song.

8. Every song had about an extra three or four minutes of solid jamming. The guitarist, who may or may not have been in Spinal Tap, rocked it.

9. The drummer seemed to be continually making goofy faces at the camera. It was slightly awkward, creepy and pedophilish.

10. Pedophilish is a word. Fuck you 'spell-check'.

11. In the gap between getting presented with the award and starting his encore, Elton made the amateur mistake of signing an autograph. He was then trapped signing autographs for every Tom, Dick and Betsy who had brought a pen and a pair of undies to the show. Don't you watch tennis Elton?

12. The show concluded with Your Song which is maybe in the top ten songs of all time AND the only reason I went to the concert. Blissful way to end it Elton. I tilt my hat in your direction, sir.

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Artist Pages: Elton John