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Polaroids Of Androids

Record Reviews


Air Waves
Dungeon Dots

1. The man behind the council's reception desk has big Grandpa Hands. I never had a Grandpa. Well, technically and genetically, that's not true. We just weren't alive at the same time. Council Man's huge hands are from that other era. A time when people mostly just ate potatoes and peddled carts around The Rocks and Upper Surry Hills using only their forearms for momentum. These are hands that dig ditches when the dam overflows, build sufficient shelter for their eight children, level drunken dickheads at pubs who are restless and inappropriate. These are hands that squash problems. Today, however, these hands are used to stamp the word "denied" on our application. Something about an incorrect elevation of a shade diagram and 60% of usable backyard daylight required for Lot 26.

2. Fatal Error: class SoapClient doesn't exist.

3. The illuminated message "5E" flashes in time with the ear-piercing bleeps of pain. The code correlates to an issue with the debris filter, which should be cleaned 5 to 6 times a year. Remove the cap. Drain all the excess fluid. This can be up to 12 gallons. 45 litres. 58 ordinary ceramic bowls of murky water. Unscrew the debris filter. A two-dollar coin is lodged in there covered in shit and lint and pubes. Remove, clean, replace everything, put that load back on. "5E".

4. It's mothers day on Sunday and the woman that gave birth to me is no more alive than she was last year.

Some days just find pleasure in burying us in mountains of minor misfortunes and pesky, unescapable realities. Some days are just assholes. On these days this record is my refuge. It has been for years.

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Record Reviews
Air Waves


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